yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
