Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
