Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
