You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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