A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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