OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
