I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
