Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
