and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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