You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
