True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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