How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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