theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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