jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
