im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
