just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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