he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
