i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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