1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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