im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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