I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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