I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
