found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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