I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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