Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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