I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
