guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
