Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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