he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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