You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
