Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cannot find my penis.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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