Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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