And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
