but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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