I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
