Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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