you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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