Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
