after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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