I feel like I'm in dance class right now
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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