he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
