i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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