apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
