The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
