If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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