Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
