Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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