dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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