There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
