She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
