hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
