you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
