I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
