just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
