There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
