I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
