Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
