I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
