Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
