you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
