Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
