Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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